Legend of Zelda
by ScarlettPlum
Summary: Learning about an ancestor's past, changes Stephanie's future.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own the world of Stephanie Plum or any of the characters. Also the title has nothing to do with The Legend of Zelda videogames.**

* * *

I can remember back when I was in the fifth grade Samantha Miller came to class carrying her family tree. She had discovered that way, way back, actually so far back that the last name spelling had changed and no one knew the first names; there was royalty in her blood. Apparently the daughter of the French king had run off with a commoner and made their way to the good old US of A to begin a new life. The fact that no one even knew their names didn't matter. The only thing that mattered to Samantha was the part that said daughter of the king. Knowing royal blood had been in her family changed Samantha. I don't know, maybe she could feel it in her veins now, but that day changed her. She had been so quiet you sort of forgot she was there, but then the day she discovered her family heritage, she became princess of the fifth grade. She suddenly stood out, she exuded a confidence that was not there before and she screamed special. We all actually argued over who got to sit beside of her at lunch. She flourished through junior high and high school and she went on to marry a Count that had money and now she lives somewhere in Europe with her own royal title. There is no way to know if things would have turned out the same for her if she hadn't of stumbled across her family tree. In my opinion I think they would not have. I think discovering her family heritage was part of her destiny as discovering Zelda was part of mine. I know for certain if it hadn't of been for Zelda, I would never have made the changes that needed to be made. Things weren't going so well for Stephanie Plum, but add Zelda to the mix and we were unstoppable. Well, pretty much.

* * *

**Day 1**

As I sat at my kitchen table eating my bowl of Frosted Flakes with no milk, I looked around my apartment. It had always felt like home before, but now I was noticing just how dismal it was. Watching Home and Garden TV with Mooner probably wasn't such a good idea. It hadn't been the first time I had to spend a few hours watching TV with him before he was willing to go to the station with me, but it was usually Star Trek or cartoons. Now that I had watched something educational, I realized I had no color theme or design flow going on. My stuff was really old and ugly and I didn't think any color on the wall or furniture arrangement would magically make it look better. Sometimes it sucked being poor. I lived paycheck to paycheck, which I learned yesterday on a radio station should be a red flag for men. As if it wasn't hard enough to seem appealing as a thirty something divorced bounty hunter, now men wanted financial stability. I couldn't even blame my finances on credit card debt for exuberant purchases. I had nothing! No expensive furniture or electronics, no expensive car. Even my clothes came off the clearance rack at the mall. I didn't even have money to buy milk for my Frosted Flakes, although they were still _Grrrreat_.

I was in a funk. I wanted milk in my cereal; I wanted stylish furniture so my apartment had a Zen like feel instead of poverty in America. I wanted a cool car instead of my 90 Daihatsu that was so small I could literally park it on the sidewalk in front of Vinnie's. I maybe even wanted a serious committed relationship with only one man. Maybe. I had that feeling that I needed change. If I had enough money I probably would go to Mr. Alexander for a new style and color.

"I want a new life!" I yelled to my empty, barren, poverty feel apartment.

I dumped the few flakes that were left in my bowl into Rex's cage. Thank goodness he didn't need clothes or shoes or I would be hurting. When I chose him as a pet, it was mainly because he amused me running for all he was worth on his little wheel. I had just left Dickie and wished I could run far, far, away from all of the gossip. I would walk around in the evenings to get out of the apartment and one night I passed a pet store and walked in. I watched Rex run and realized he made me smile and we had been together ever since. Lucky for me he didn't mind living in a soup can.

Connie didn't have any files for me, yet again. Only the high bonds that Ranger took on. I hadn't seen him for a few days. I wondered if he knew how slow things were for me at Vinnie's. He would sometimes offer me a job to tide me over. I would ask if it was a pity job, he would deny it was, although we both knew that wasn't the truth. I would accept and work a little while until the guilt and temptation would eat me up. Then I would quit.

I had even suggested to him once that he should hire a woman and then he wouldn't need me. I don't know if I was hoping he would say no one could replace me, or hoping he would replace me so it would force me to move on. Don't get me wrong, the day I walk in and see the Black Widow or whatever superhero he hires, I will be eaten up with jealousy. I love Ranger, a fact that no one but me knows, but it would probably be a lot better for me if I didn't. I may have wanted to be Wonder Woman, but I know I'm not. On a good day, I'm maybe Nancy Drew, and that's alright. I have caught some reruns of The Hardy Boys Nancy Drew Mysteries and I think Pamela Sue Martin was pretty cool as Nancy. We both seem to have the same knack of stumbling across mysteries and psychos and dead bodies. Nancy just seems to always get to drive sport cars, has lots of money, and people actually say good job to her. Oh, and in the second season she even had Rick Springfield! Anyway just like Nancy I'm curious and ask a lot of questions. I'm not so sure I would fit in Rangers world, and sometimes I think he knows this too.

In Nancy's world everyone has their place. Bess and George her best friends, Frank and Joe who are always willing to help her out, and then there is Ned, who improved dramatically in season two when they replaced him with Rick Springfield. In Stephanie's world I have Lula, Mary Lou, and Connie. I also have Joe and Ranger. Well sort of, and that's the problem. I don't exactly have either one of them, but they are always there.

My crappy little car has a terrible radio and I've been forced to listen to country music. It's kinda growing on me. That Tanya Tucker was on to something when she said _one love at a time is all I can handle, burning both ends of the candle can drive you insane_. I'm afraid that's where I'm headed.

It would be very easy for me to get wrapped up completely in Ranger. However there is always this little voice warning me to keep a safe distance. That voice sounds a lot like Morelli's, but I think it's my self-preservation as well. Ranger has stated several times that we wouldn't be for the long haul. His life doesn't lend itself to relationships; his love comes with a condom not a ring, nothing stupid like marriage or children. Then there is my favorite, I would eventually have to leave his bed. When I asked him that question I'm not sure what I expected him to say. His answer may be in the literal sense, a person obviously couldn't stay in bed forever, they would get bed sores, but I think he meant what was between us wouldn't last forever. At some point it would be over for him and he would move on. That is the problem. What if I wasn't ready to leave? I could easily picture me hanging on to his bed posts wrapped in his sheets fighting to stay while he was pulling me off saying, "Babe its over you have to go." Not a pretty thought, so I have to keep myself guarded. Doesn't mean I'm able to keep myself completely away either.

I can't say for sure if the reason I can't commit to Morelli is because of Ranger. I mean I love Joe; we just seem to want to kill each other when we spend long amounts of time together. I'm afraid that could lead to problems if we ever did become married. I'm not sure I even want to be married again or have kids. It would just be nice to know I have the option if I choose to do it. But sometimes I hear a little voice that sounds a lot like my mom's saying you're running out of time.

My life reflections ended as I pulled in front of my parent's house. Since I didn't have any skips to chase after, I might as well visit and grab lunch with my family. My Frosted Flakes were gone by now.

When I realized no one was waiting for me at the door, I quickened my pace. Someone must have died. To say I was surprised when I saw my mom, grandma, and Val pressed up against the back door was an understatement. Annie who had been playing matchmaker with the senior citizens was sitting at the table drinking coffee. She had been by the house a few times.

"What's going on?" I asked and was shushed by my sister.

"I have a friend who is a child psychologist talking with Mary Alice," Annie explained.

Now Annie is an Unmentionable, like my friend Diesel. I'm still not exactly sure what an Unmentionable is, but they can do cool stuff and Diesel had said something about Mary Alice once that made me think maybe she was going to be one too. Which made me think this psychologist was also one.

"Why?"

Val looked at me incredulously, "Why do you think? My daughter thinks she is a horse! Her teachers at school are complaining and she overheard Albert mention they may take her to the funny farm. She thinks it's a place where horses run around all day and have fun, and now her behavior has gotten worse. She wants to go!"

I didn't mean to but I laughed. A picture of people galloping around acting like horses popped in my head.

"It's not funny! Do you know what it's like to have people talk about you behind your back? The other mothers smile and say hello, but as soon as I pass by they start whispering."

My mother turned and looked at me. I knew what she was thinking. Before I could make a comment, Mary Alice walked in. She didn't notice everyone pressed against the back door and hit Val in the head when she pushed the door open. Serves Val right. I know my mother hears her share of things about me, but I know for a fact that Val's name pops up too. She needs to take some of the blame for mom's tippling. It's not always me and Grandma.

Mom reached in the freezer and handed Val a bag of frozen peas for her forehead.

"Did you have a nice talk," Mom asked.

The child psychologist followed Mary Alice in and winked at her.

"Yes, I'm not going to be a horse in front of people anymore," Mary Alice said as she grabbed a cookie from the plate and walked out of the room.

Val waited till she heard the TV cut on, "That's it? It's over, it can't be that simple. We've tried to talk to her for months about it. You spend thirty minutes with her and she's cured?"

"Stella is one of the best psychologists in the world, Valerie," Annie replied.

"Mary Alice is a very special little girl, she has an overactive imagination and she just needed to learn some techniques to channel that. I feel like the situation is under control, and I don't see any foreseeable problems."

"Good, that's good. Maybe you should write the techniques down for us though, just in case they come back."

Stella studied Val very closely, "They won't. Mary Alice knows what she needs to do and there won't be any more issues. If something does come up, I'll contact you."

"But how will you know if something comes up..,"

Stella cut Val off, "I'll know. Mrs. Kloughn the situation is under control, now you need to move on and focus your energy elsewhere. Mary Alice will be just fine."

I wondered what magical things Stella had said to Mary Alice. Maybe she even hypnotized her. I knew I would never know. Stella and Mary Alice's conversation was top secret. Whatever techniques Stella used were not for non-Unmentionables' ears. I knew right then that Mary Alice would be just fine. Something had come up that would have changed Mary Alice's destiny and The Unmentionables had come in to set her back on the right path. I shivered a little. That was pretty cool. If only Stella could whisper words to set me on the right path.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Stephanie," Stella brought me out of my thoughts causing me to jump a little.

I reached my hand across the table to shake her hand wondering if she knew what I had been thinking.

'Do you have ESP?' I thought. 'Blink once for yes, twice for no.'

Stella grinned as she shook my hand and blinked three times.

Yep, ESP and a sense of humor.

"I saw a friend of yours the other day, Diesel. I was actually researching your family tree when he stopped by. We were both fascinated by some pictures I came across."

'Oh my, this is it; I'm a French princess too,' I thought excitedly.

Stella ignored my thought and continued on. By this point my mother and sister were both transfixed on the conversation wondering exactly just where the insanity came from and who was to blame.

We had always known more about the Plum side. My Grandma Plum made sure all of the knowledge of our ancestors was passed on from generation to generation. We also knew we came from Hungarian gypsies on my mom's side. I had seen a few movies with gypsies and figured my gypsy ancestors were too busy drinking, dancing, laughing and taking things from unsuspecting passersby to write down the family tree for the next generation. That's not fair; to be honest they may have been extremely busy working in the fields and too tired at the end of the day to make a family tree. Hollywood is not always accurate.

Stella reached in a large black bag that was hanging on the back of her chair. She pulled out an old black and white photo and handed it to me. I looked down at myself. It was like I had stepped into one of those old time photo shops along the pier and had a souvenir picture taken. This woman had the same wild curly hair, the same facial features and possibly the same blue eyes, but I couldn't be for sure about that one since it was in black and white. Something drew me to her. I'd seen enough old photos to know that it wasn't the norm for people to smile back then. It seemed they considered the more solemn the better for pictures, but this woman or maybe she was a girl in her late teens had a hint of a smile. Made me think maybe she was flirting for the photographer. Maybe she was just rebelling. Ah, I felt a kindred spirit with this look alike girl.

"This is one of your great, great, great aunts. Isn't the resemblance uncanny? Her name was Zelda, named after a German traveler's wife who stayed with the family while recuperating from a fall from his horse as he was passing through. Do you know what Zelda means?"

I of course didn't. I did know there was a video game called The Legend of Zelda, because I had to watch Dougie and Mooner play it once.

"It means woman warrior." Annie exclaimed.

"Well, isn't that a pip! Stephanie here is a bounty hunter, that's like a woman warrior!" Grandma jumped in.

"Yes, but her name is Stephanie and it means crown," Mom said pointing at me.

"It's funny because in Chinese, Stephanie means warrior and optimistic," Stella grinned at me.

Well if I was anything it was optimistic. I don't think I could get out of bed each day if I wasn't. I don't know if I would really consider myself a warrior though.

Over lunch Stella told us the story of Zelda. When she was just nineteen she had fallen in love with a local town's boy whose father was a prominent shop keeper. After sneaking to see each other for a few months, Zelda became pregnant with his child. The boy's father forbad him to marry her or see her again. In his opinion Zelda wasn't good enough for their family since she came from a line of gypsies. She was also considered a whore since she slept with the boy out of marriage. I always wondered why you never heard any name calling for the men.

Grandma had then informed us it wasn't Zelda's fault, "The women in our family are passionate lovers. It's in our blood, can't be stopped or helped."

That was good to know because I had felt guilty over Vordo week. If it was in my blood to be a passionate lover anyways, throw in an Italian slut curse and I hadn't stood a chance.

I really felt for Zelda, having to face her village with the shame of being an unwed mother, not to mention the fact that her heart was undoubtedly broken over her lover's rejection. The story of course got worse. There was a measles outbreak and Zelda miscarried.

That was the turning point in Zelda's life. The day that picture was taken was three months after Zelda lost her baby. It was said that the next morning she saddled a horse, kissed her family goodbye and set off on her own. Now in those days women had very little options. She could have married whoever was willing to take an impure wife, or she could have turned to prostitution. Not Zelda.

It's unclear what happened to her the first few months, but when Zelda returned she returned with a vengeance. While she had been away, the shopkeeper had decided he didn't want the gypsies near the town's borders and had enlisted some of the other townsfolk to run the gypsies off. I guess he wanted to make sure that his son was never tempted by the gypsy women again. Long story short, Zelda returned with a group of men and helped fight for their land. She also supported her family with endeavors she took on that made her a very wealthy, self-sufficient woman. Simple terms Zelda was a mercenary and spy, and according to Stella a very successful one. Stella went on to reassure us that Zelda always did what she felt was morally right.

Upon hearing this I immediately thought of Ranger. I had defended him many times to Joe, but a little part of me was always afraid of exactly what Ranger did. Did I think he was a good man? Absolutely. When in trouble did I call him? Yes. Did Ranger have deep dark secrets that would curl my toes and straighten my hair if I knew them? Probably so. Did I need to know them and did they really matter anyways? I wasn't for sure yet, but what I did know was that Zelda could have been Ranger's equal. I like to think that she had found her own Batman and Merrymen in the group she rode with.

As I looked down at the picture again, like Samantha in the fifth grade, I felt different. I looked identical to this woman and yes she had blue eyes. Stella said it was rumored that she had entrancing blue eyes. I felt another shiver run through me. I had this woman's DNA. So much so that we could have been identical twins, which was unusual I thought since she was only a great, great, great aunt. Were we alike in our mannerisms and feelings as well? I had no way to know for sure, but I felt like maybe we were. All I know is that I felt different. I felt proud, beautiful, and special. I wasn't a princess but I was a warrior.

That day started something for me. Having that knowledge and picture started a chain of events that changed my life. It helped me to realize it was part of my destiny to love and be loved by two men. It showed me that the one I thought didn't need me, needed me the most. It helped me gain the confidence that I desperately needed to be able to be with him. It helped me let the other one go, and it all started with the legend of Zelda.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Stephanie Plum or any of the characters that inhabit the world she lives in.**

* * *

When I left my parents' house that day I left with something else. I kinda think that maybe Stella had given me some of her wisdom. I knew Unmentionables had unique gifts, but I think Stella had something very unique. She walked me to the door and grabbed my hand and looked at me, just like she had looked at Val. She seemed to be able to get deep into your mind.

"I can't tell you the path you need to choose. There are many paths in life you can take, and you would be fine on any of them. You need to find the one that makes you happy. Find where you truly belong."

I think that was my problem. I wasn't sure if I truly belonged anywhere. What if my destiny was to roam aimlessly through life, bumbling my way through?

Stella grasped my hands and shook them, "Stephanie, Stephanie. You're over thinking it."

I can definitely say no one had ever accused me of over thinking anything. I had always jumped first, and then thought how far the fall was. I had landed on my ass more times than my feet.

"But you always got back up. Remember that. Take my advice. When you have a question that you don't know the answer to, sleep on it. The morning will make it a little clearer," Stella kissed me on both of my cheeks and sent me out the door.

I had to admit I found the conversation a little unsettling. Not to mention the fact when I looked back towards the house, everyone was at the door watching me. I felt like Stella knew something I didn't know. I looked up to see if the sky had started turning black. It felt almost like a storm was brewing.

I got in my car and decided since I was this far, I would go by Joe's. He had worked nights for a few weeks, so I thought he might be up by now and I wanted to show him the picture of Zelda that Stella said I could keep.

I'd taken mine and Joe's relationship for granted I suppose because it never even entered my mind to knock on the door. I was surprised when Bob didn't come rushing to knock me down like the usual greeting he gave me. He did manage to give a bark from the kitchen though. To say I was surprised to see Marianne Mikulski and Joe sitting at the table eating a home cooked meal of what appeared to be Chicken Cacciatore was an understatement. I knew that there had been rumors circulating around about her and Joe. Joe had even said she brought her dog over to play with Bob.

I glanced around the kitchen to see if there even was a dog and saw a Dachshund. I never even asked before what kind of dog she had. I was actually surprised Bob hadn't thought it was a walking hotdog and ate it. I glanced down at the floor and saw that Bob was situated between Joe and Marianne, obviously getting fed from the table. He didn't even notice me. I could feel the blood rushing in my ears and my heart felt funny. I had barged in unannounced in Joe's house and he was having a lunch date. I must have been silent for too long, because Joe spoke first.

"Cupcake, this is Marianne Mikulski, she lives a few doors down. Marianne this is Stephanie Plum."

I could see that Marianne didn't like the introduction of Cupcake. Well too bad, I didn't like the introduction of Marianne. I looked back down at Bob. This must be what it feels like the first time you see your ex and child with his new love interest. I was so disappointed in Bob; I was being ignored for Chicken Cacciatore! Sure it looked good and smelled great, but come on how many subs had I fed him! How could he just forget all about me?

I pulled myself together and nodded to Marianne and smiled, "I'm sorry, I had some questions about a case I was working on and saw that your car was home. It's nothing important so I'll talk to you about it later. Enjoy your lunch."

I turned to leave as quickly as I could because I felt the stupid tears coming on. We had no formal commitment and I knew that, I had been the one who wanted it that way but I was hurt and embarrassed and I needed to get out of there.

I heard the chair scrape across the floor and Joe say a quiet, "Be right back."

I was a few feet out the door before he caught up with me, "Steph, wait."

I turned around, but I kept my eyes on the door to the house. I couldn't look into Joe's whiskey colored eyes, because I didn't want him to see the tears forming in mine.

"It's just lunch Cupcake; you can come back in and join us if you want."

I couldn't help it I laughed. I wonder what Marianne would think of me pulling up a chair and sitting in between her and Joe, eating the lunch she prepared for their date.

Joe grinned knowing how dumb of a suggestion it was.

"No, that's alright. I should have knocked, I'm sorry."

"Steph, you were in Hawaii with Ranger, you can't be upset because I'm having lunch with a neighbor."

Well actually I could, and I was, but at least I didn't deck her like Joe did Ranger. Still I nodded my head in agreement.

"Are you really working on a case that you need my help with?"

"No, I was just saving face, listen I'll talk to you later. I need to go."

We stood there and looked at each other for a few seconds. Usually when I left Joe's we would at least have a quick kiss, but most times it was a long, wet, hot kiss with a lot of tongue. It didn't really seem appropriate to do that right now considering Joe was on a date. I decided to playfully punch him in the arm instead. Maybe I hit a little harder than necessary, but hey at least I didn't deck Marianne. That was the second time I had that thought, so I decided I should probably leave before I did something stupid.

"Steph…"

"I know we'll talk about it later," I gave him a forced smile and walked back to my car.

I made it to the next street before I broke down in tears. How did everything get so screwed up? Why did I have to fall in love with two men? I had a heavy feeling in my stomach. Had I lost Joe? Was this it for us? When I had the chance why hadn't I committed to a real relationship?

'Because,' a little voice said, 'If you had a serious committed relationship with Joe, you would have had to of given up your make out sessions with Ranger.'

'Well yeah', I thought, 'but when Joe and I first got together he didn't want to get married or have children. He didn't want anything serious! Why did he have to go and change his mind?'

I'd like to say I had the answers to all of my problems by the time I went to bed that night. I had spent pretty much the entire evening sitting on my fire escape drinking Corona's hoping to either dull the pain or enlighten me on my journey through my misguided life and relationships.

The same question kept popping through my head. If Joe hadn't of been my first, would I have fallen in love with him. Had the fact that he slept with me, left me and then wrote nasty limericks on the bathroom walls around Trenton about me played any role in us being together? Was my adult subconscious Stephanie trying to right the wrongs and keep him since teenage Stephanie hadn't been able to?

Stella's voice popped in my head about sleeping on it and the answer would be clearer in the morning. I didn't need any encouragement. Sleeping was good. When I was asleep, I didn't have to think.

* * *

The next morning when I woke up I just knew. I'm not for sure how. I don't know if it came to me in a dream, because I couldn't remember dreaming anything, but like Stella said it was clear. It now all made perfect sense.

I loved Joe. I didn't regret anything with him. Well I mean sure I wish the losing of my virginity had stayed private and off the walls of restrooms around Trenton, but when I really thought about it, I'm glad Joe was my first. I mean it's not common for a virgin to have an orgasm. I didn't even realize at the time that was what I had and I had no idea that you didn't always get one when you had sex, until my second time around. Talk about big disappointment! Even though it happened the way it did, my first time with Joe was better than my second time when I was in college. Despite it being my first time, Joe made sure it was good for me. Sure, it would have been nice if he had gotten my address and kept in touch when he left for the Navy, but this was Joe Morelli. I had heard the rumors. I knew he was a macho ass who screwed every girl he could. I should have known what I was getting myself into. Again with the jumping and not thinking.

I never realized before that Joe really needed me to come back into his life, but he did. After I plowed him down with my dad's Buick, I never expected to see him again. I didn't want to see him again. Yet years later our paths would cross.

It was simple now when I really thought about it. I saved him. He's commented over the years about what a mess I was and the messes I made, but without a shadow of a doubt I knew that if it hadn't of been for me he either would have died on the run or gone to prison. If things hadn't of unfolded like they had with me and Alpha and Ramirez, we never would have learned the truth and got the evidence to clear Joe. Face it, no one else but me could have caused the turn of events in that case to happen, so it all worked out like it did.

I also made him want more in his life. Why did he decide that he wanted a family after all this time? Because he fell in love with me even though I drove him crazy and caused him to eat antacids like candy. Whether he realized it or not, despite everything I had been good for him. Something good had come out of my messes.

Joe had a hard job and he deserved someone to keep the home fires burning and a casserole in the oven. Not a woman who kept the house burning and didn't know how to use an oven. He deserved to have someone to come home to at night after a hard day working in the garbage that he had to. He deserved to have someone hold him and love him and help him forget the bad stuff so he could have the strength to get up and do it all again the next day.

Sure, I could hold him and love him and we could forget things for a while, but I always had garbage to deal with too, and Joe didn't need or want any more complications in his life. And I loved him enough to want him to have the good things he deserved. I loved him enough to let him go. I couldn't give him those things and until I moved out of the picture completely, he would never get the chance to find the one who could. Joe needed normal and routine, and I had the feeling that normal and routine would never again be a part of my life.

I looked over at the picture of Zelda and wondered how many times she had her heart broken. Maybe she never let anyone in again to have the chance. Maybe she was so tough and brave and self-sufficient that she never felt the need to have a man with her. Or maybe she had a man when she wanted and sent him on his way when she was through. There was no way to know for sure, but looking at that picture I didn't feel so alone. It was crazy I know, but somehow that picture gave me strength. She went through bad things too and she survived. She was strong and brave. She was probably smart too and she was pretty. Since we looked alike, I guess I was pretty too, so maybe that meant we were just alike in the other ways as well.

I don't know what all Zelda had to endure to get to the place where she was leading battles and kicking ass and well just living. I seriously doubt that she found a Mr. Miyagi in the woods the day she set out on her own, who trained her to be a ninja gypsy.

I'd like to think that she learned on her own, pretty much like I did. Maybe she fell off her horse a few times. Maybe she got lost in the woods occasionally. Maybe bad things happened to her too, but she got back up and yelled bring it on!

I jumped out of my bed and looked at myself in the mirror. I always got back up. Sure, I got knocked down a lot, but I always crawled back to my feet. I had been kidnapped, tortured, assaulted, fire bombed, locked in a coffin, humiliated more times than I could count. I'd gone through things that would have brought most grown men to their knees and would have never recovered emotionally from.

"You Stephanie Plum are a badass. You are a warrior gypsy blooded, passionate loving, good hearted, intelligent, brave woman, and don't you ever forget it!" I told my reflection. The fact that I had scary bed hair and I was wearing my Hello Kitty pajamas didn't matter.

I had had an epiphany. I was Stephanie Plum; I was a force to be reckoned with. I was unstoppable and as long as I had Zelda with me to help me remember that I was going to be better than okay. She had survived and conquered and so would I!

I was bringing her with me to Joe's though, because breaking up with him was going to be one of the hardest things I would ever have to do in my life. Especially since I couldn't wear my mascara for courage, because I was already crying just thinking about it.

* * *

I slammed my car door and stomped towards the elevator. I was so mad I should have probably just run up and down the steps to work off my frustrations. I should have, but I didn't.

I probably had the most heartfelt and beautiful break up speech in the history of the world planned out in my head. I loved him and I was giving him up so he could have a better life, a beautiful life, that I wanted him to have because I loved him that much.

On the way over 'I Will Always Love You' had come on the radio and if that's not a sign, I don't know what is! I even added a few verses in my break up speech. This was probably one of the most selfless acts of my life and Joe had to go and ruin it.

I know he was tired, he had just gotten off from work, but I had a box of doughnuts ready and waiting for him to help soften the blow. I didn't know if Marianne provided breakfast or not, so I was prepared.

It started out well, but when I got to the part where I was giving him to Marianne, things took a turn for the worse. When I had pictured it in my head, Joe understood where I was coming from. He even thanked me. Reality Joe informed me that I couldn't give him to anyone because he did not belong to me and I could not break up with him because we were technically not together.

I seriously thought that he would probably break it off with Marianne after I gave him my blessing, just to spite me.

I got into the elevator at my apartment and thunked my head on the wall. I was starting to rethink my not having regrets. If I had never slept with Joe, I would not have known what good sex was and then I wouldn't have had high expectations which led to my disappointment with Tony Barnes in college. If I didn't know what I was missing, then maybe I would have been satisfied and mine and Tony's relationship could have gone differently. I could have been Mrs. Stephanie Barnes and living in Des Moines.

'Yeah,' a voice said, 'but then you would never have met Ranger and that would have been a real tragedy to never have experienced Ranger.'

"Stephanie shut up! When did you get so philosophical? If this hadn't of happened then this wouldn't have happened, blah, blah, blah. Those bridges are broken, burned whatever. We're moving forward. A new start. Warrior woman badass, remember."

I stopped my motivational tirade when I realized the elevator hadn't moved. Mrs. Bestler was watching me with wide eyes and hadn't pushed the button yet.

I gave her a smile and said, "Second floor please."

When the doors opened Mrs. Bestler said, "Second floor books, philosophy, self-help, and stationary."

I just thanked her and headed to my apartment.

I almost didn't check my messages. I had one already and I figured someone had heard about mine and Joe's breakup- non breakup fight.

I'm not for sure why I pushed it but I did, and to say I was surprised to hear Dickie say, "Stephanie, I need your help. Please call me back immediately." was an understatement.

* * *

I waited outside of the bank in my car. It seemed like it was taking a very long time and I was starting to get a little nervous. Maybe it was because this was my first solo mercenary gig and the adrenaline high I had before was running out.

I knew that a mercenary was a hired soldier who takes part in an armed conflict. I knew the definition because I looked it up whenever Joe kept making references that Ranger was a mercenary, just to make sure what that entailed. Tonight I was a mercenary, because I was acting only for profit.

I had been hired for a job, that I set my price for. I wasn't invading any third world countries or rushing into a hostage crisis, but you have to start somewhere right? For five thousand dollars I had agreed to play the role of Mrs. Dickie Orr. I was sort of working in that morally right/grey area that Ranger and I had talked about before.

Morally right because I needed the money. The grey area was that I was going to have to be a big fat liar pretending to be in love and still married to Dickie. I knew I was going to have to get past my guilt issues if I was going to be successful as a warrior woman.

When Dickie and I were in close proximity for more than a few seconds, we tended to attack one another. I was really going to have to be professional with this tonight. I was a little nervous, because sometimes in the past I hadn't been able to stay professional. I also wasn't so sure about my acting skills.

I was trying to stay motivated for the job by picturing how much I could buy for five thousand dollars at Jim's Furniture Warehouse. I was hoping tomorrow to be able to persuade Mooner to go shopping with me. He had been watching enough HGTV that I thought he might could help me get my design flow flowing. And I could buy him a combo meal at McDonald's for his time. No way would I find a decorator that cheap.

When Dickie had first told me what he needed, I laughed and hung up. I was never close with Dickie's family, and I didn't like most of them with the exception for his Uncle Lou and Aunt Ruby. They were a sweet old couple full of spunk. They were also full of money, but you would never know it by looking at them.

Dickie and his parents and brother would be heirs to their estate someday. Lou owned a huge colonial near an exclusive golf course in upper New Jersey. The piece of land the house was on was prime real estate and the house had been promised to Dickie. The day Lou and Ruby passed on; I knew Dickie would have a demolition crew ready to tear down the house.

Lou and Ruby didn't flaunt their money, but they were extravagant on travel, and they only passed through every few years. They were living the dream being able to see the world and only having to see their family on occasion.

Dickie had tried before to convince Lou to let him take the house now, since they rarely stayed there but Lou refused. He said it was their first house and even though they didn't live in it now, they still liked to have the option of returning if they wanted to. I personally think that he knew how bad Dickie wanted it, and just wouldn't give it to him.

Lou and Ruby had been married for sixty years. They were childhood sweethearts and well they believed once you married you stayed married. So therefore no one had informed them of mine and Dickie's divorce. The reason being that Lou liked me better than his family and Dickie was afraid Lou would cut him from the will if he found out Dickie had cheated on me and we were no longer together.

The courts had tied up all of the money from the law partner scandal, so Dickie might never be able to touch it. He needed Uncle Lou's money, therefore he needed me.

He hung up on me the first time when I set my price, but five thousand now or no several million later made his mind up in my favor.

That is why I was sitting in front of Dickie's bank waiting for the five thousand in cash. I knew he would stop payment on the check tomorrow or the check would probably bounce. I demanded cash up front. I thought I was being pretty shrewd.

Dickie finally came back out and brought me a bag with the money. I glanced in it to make sure it was actually money and it was. I wasn't going to count it out in front of the bank so I was going to have to trust him. I let him know it had better be for the right amount when I got to my bank or he would be sorry. I could tell he wanted to hit me, but he had a lot riding on this. I was in charge and for once I had the power and I liked it!

* * *

I met Dickie at the restaurant at 6:30. No way did I trust him to take me home when dinner was over. We spent a few minutes in the parking lot, practicing being a loving couple. I had my doubts when our hand holding almost turned into a slapping match, but I remembered my vow to myself to be professional and got the situation under control.

By the time we reached Lou's table, Dickie had his arm around my waist and I had turned the grimace on my face into a smile. I was now in my Stepford Wife role.

After some hugs and kisses, we had just sat down when I felt a tingle on the back of my neck. That was very odd because I usually only felt that when Ranger was close by.

I probably wasn't paying as close attention as I should have been to the conversation since I was busy trying to figure out my tingle. A few key words registered in my brain though. House, vandalized, your opinion, heard they were the best, and security system.

My detective skills snapped into place quickly when I deciphered my clues. Lou's house had been broken into and vandalized. He had heard someone was the best and he wanted Dickie's opinion on a security system!

By that point my tingle was off the charts. It was all falling into place for me now. Lou was only here for the night, so he was mixing business with pleasure. He had called in an expert. That expert was Ranger. Crap, Ranger was joining us for dinner!


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Still don't own Stephanie Plum or any of the other canon characters.**

* * *

I knew going into a job I needed to be prepared for any situation, but having Ranger there made me very uncomfortable. Like I was getting a sick feeling in my stomach uncomfortable. I wanted this night to be about me. I wanted to do this for myself. In the past when I was involved in a distraction or the few times I had gone on surveillance with Ranger or the guys, I usually had a Stephanie moment. A Stephanie moment usually entailed me getting covered with something gross or someone getting hurt. Ranger and the guys were always nice about it. I had decided a long time ago that hazard pay must pay pretty darn well.

Ranger had even said before I was a line item in his budget. Entertainment. Personally I was okay with him being able to use it to reimburse himself on his cars that always seemed to get destroyed when in my care. I was even curious how he was able to use that as a deduction. Who knew, maybe I was billed as Stephanie the Great and as part of my magic act I made a car blow up. Anyway, as much as I liked putting a smile on the faces of the Rangeman crew and the TPD, I didn't always want to be Carol Burnette, although she is fabulous. I wanted; no I needed a Lara Croft Tomb Raider moment. I knew what I was doing tonight certainly wasn't anything in the Tomb Raider league, but tonight was a baby step. I desperately needed some success. Success involving not making the papers or my mother getting tons of phone calls wondering if it was true, whatever disaster I had been involved in. I did not want to embarrass myself in front of Ranger playing Stephanie Orr. I wondered if I should make a break for it and leave, but I really had my heart set on the two piece sectional sofas, and black metal frame bed I had picked out looking at a sales flyer from Jim's Furniture Warehouse before I came to the restaurant tonight.

I would probably have to issue a refund if I didn't deliver on my services. What would Zelda have done in this situation? I heard a voice with a thick accent in my head, '_I would take the money and redeem myself.'_

That's what I was going to do too. I wanted to redeem myself. I needed the money and I was going to play out my role as a perfect, domesticated housewife. Ranger would see a side to me he had never seen before.

"Oh shit!" Dickie whispered furiously.

I looked over at him and saw that he was looking over at the hostess who was getting ready to bring Ranger to our table.

My eyes met Ranger's and if I got nothing out of tonight but the shocked look that passed over his face for the two seconds before it went back to blank, it would be worth it. It's not very often that I can surprise him.

"I'm not supposed to come within five feet of you," Dickie whispered getting ready to bolt.

I wondered what Ranger had said to Dickie back when he was helping me out with that fiasco, but I didn't have time to think too hard, because I had to grab Dickie's arm to hold him in place. By this time Ranger was at our table.

"Mr. Manoso, I'm Lou Orr, and this is my lovely wife Ruby, and my nephew Dickie Orr, and his lovely wife Stephanie."

Ranger raised an eyebrow. I actually could read his expression. He was saying, '_Oh really, Mrs. Orr?'_

I was the only one besides Lou who reached out to shake Ranger's hand and smiled and said, "It's a pleasure." I was silently screaming don't blow my cover, don't blow my cover!

Ranger's lip quirked as he shook my hand in return and he looked over at Dickie. Dickie was still looking down at the table, so I had to elbow him. When Dickie still remained motionless, or scared shitless, I had to take over.

"You'll have to excuse my husband; this news about the break in has him upset. Dickie just loves that house, don't you sweetheart?" Dickie mumbled something unintelligible.

"You see Mr. Manoso, we've promised the house to Dickie and Stephanie after we're through with it, so this meeting affects them as much as it does Ruby and I so I wanted their input. I want to thank you for meeting me on such short notice. I've heard good things about your company."

Ranger thanked Lou, and they got right down to business. Dickie still hadn't said a word and this was only going to make this harder on me having to cover for both of us. Now I had seen Ranger at work, but not in the business sense. To say I was mesmerized was an understatement. Ranger looked beyond delicious in his business suit. I had the privilege to see him dressed up before, but to hear him talk business along with the suit was almost too much. His soft well-spoken voice had me enthralled.

The waitress came to get our drink order and Ranger and Lou stopped talking long enough for us to look at our menus. When she returned we were ready to order. Dickie still hadn't made any comments and I was starting to get mad. If I had known I was going to have to take care of him like a child, I would have asked for another thousand. We had come to this restaurant with Dickie's family years ago and the menu hadn't changed much. I remembered Dickie's favorite so I ordered him the house specialty, Seafood Alfredo. And since I wasn't paying, I ordered myself the Filet Mignon even though it came with grilled vegetables. I had seen a few healthy choices on the menu and I wondered if I could pick what Ranger would order. I was going with the Grilled Salmon.

Ruby was a little hard of hearing so it took a little bit to get her order down, but it was sweet how patient Lou was with her. He kept repeating options that she could substitute and I wondered why I hadn't thought to try to substitute the grilled veggies. Finally the waitress got to Ranger and I waited for his answer almost like I was waiting for the final answer on Jeopardy. I smiled in satisfaction when he ordered the Grilled Salmon.

Since Dickie still seemed comatose, I decided to try to help wake him up. When the waitress started to ask about the ticket, I informed the table that we were getting it, which really meant Dickie was. I argued our case saying we insisted, it wasn't often we got to treat them. Ranger of course declined much to my disappointment. I mean he had spent a lot of his time helping me when Dickie was playing dead, I felt the least I could do was let Dickie buy him dinner. After Dickie realized he was spending more money than he planned tonight, he perked up.

If I had to pick a moment I would remember for the rest of my life, it would be when Ranger got strangled on his water after Lou said we would have to leave room for dessert, although he knew it wouldn't compare to my baking. Well, it wasn't a full gasping for breath, tears running down your face strangle and no one but me probably noticed, but for a split second he was strangled.

"Do you like to cook Mrs. Orr?" Ranger asked with a smile on his face.

Before I could respond to his amused question, Lou went on to rave about my baking skills and creations I had brought to family gatherings over the years. He went on to say how they tried to talk me into opening my own bakery when Dickie and I first married. Now I know I should probably feel guilty for my deception, but I felt it was perfectly acceptable to lie about things like my cooking skills and weight. I also didn't see the harm in letting Lou and Ruby believe that Dickie and I were still together. I knew that despite what Dickie thought, Lou would give him the house regardless if we were together or not. He had promised it to him before we were even engaged. Also why disappoint them with the truth? Sure I could have told them what an awful person Dickie truly is, but it would really only hurt Lou and Ruby. I say they aren't around very much to figure it out for themselves, so let them believe they have a nice family.

"Her blueberry cobbler is my favorite." Ruby was telling Ranger.

"I'm not much of a sweet eater. Although on a rare occasion I do enjoy my favorite, plum pie."

Had I have been taking a drink of my water; I would have had the full out gasping strangle. Leave it to Ranger to innocently work in a dirty innuendo.

"Well, if you enjoy a good piece of pie, you'd love Stephanie's cobbler," Ruby encouraged.

I felt the need to change the conversation quickly before my cobbler turned dirty, so I said, "Tell us more about your company Mr. Manoso."

By the end of the evening I had learned more about Rangeman operations then I ever had the few times I ran searches for the company. I also learned that being the best allows you to be quite expensive. Ranger did well for himself. Of course they had different packages with different prices for the amount of services they provided. I don't think Dickie was very happy with me when I encouraged Lou to go with the top one. I had a brief moment of panic when I saw him eye the steak knife, but I think he knew it would look really bad for him if he knifed me in the restaurant.

If I were judging my performance, I would have given myself an eight. I was very proud of the job I did. Under uncomfortable circumstances I think I played the role of dutiful wife well. I entertained Lou and Ruby, and I think Ranger even enjoyed our dinner. He of course had a phone call calling him away to who knows what before dessert. Ruby commented on what a handsome, charming man he was as soon as left the table. I whole heartily agreed. It was nice to get to see the side of him that his clients saw.

Dickie and I walked Lou and Ruby to their cab. I had to smile when Lou asked Dickie if he knew how lucky he was to have a woman like me and to be sure I never got away. I had to say, it was nice to hear.

When the cab pulled away Dickie said he would walk me back to my car. I reached in my purse and had my hand on my stun gun, which I made sure, was charged before I left my apartment. I knew Dickie wasn't too thrilled that I had depleted his trust fund several thousand dollars by suggesting a security system that probably wasn't even needed. My spidey sense was telling me that Dickie had staged that break-in to manipulate Lou into giving Dickie the house now.

When we reached my car, I started to say nice doing business with you, but Dickie shocked me with, "Thank you Steph."

"Sure."

"You always were a hit with the family and all of the office parties we had to attend. Everyone loved when you were there. It's weird how people are so drawn to you."

I started to say you should see all the crazies that are drawn to me now, but he kept on talking.

"Where do you think we'd be at right now, if things had worked out differently?"

I wanted to say you mean if you had kept it in your pants, but I saw the look in his eyes. My heart started to hammer in my chest. I had secretly dreamed of this happening and I never thought it would. This was where he tells me he has regrets. This is the moment he realizes he made a big mistake. Our divorce was ugly. We called each other every name in the book and even made up some new ones. I was humiliated when everyone found out he cheated on me with Joyce Barnhardt. He knew how much I hated her. Of all the women to cheat on me with, he couldn't have picked a nice secretary from the practice that no one knew. No, he had to pick Joyce, so that it was in my face everywhere I went. I had to savor this moment because it would never come again.

I blew out a breath, "That's a tough one. I think we would have moved to a nicer, bigger house in one of the upscale neighborhoods. I think you probably would have made partner by now. I think you might would be entertaining the thought of public office."

He smiled at me,"Yeah, I think you're right. You think we would be happy?"

I shrugged my shoulders, "I thought we were happy back then."

"We were. I was. I screwed up Steph, I wish I could go back and change things," he said as he ran his hand up and down my arm.

I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was picturing us hooking up tonight. A romp down memory lane.

"If we could go back do you wish we could do things differently?"

And here it was, my moment!

"Of course. For one thing I wouldn't have blown up like I did when I caught you with Joyce," I had him now. "I would have ignored it that night, and then I would have gotten pictures, solid documentation of your infidelities. I would have remained calm in the courtroom, because looking back while it felt really good; it hurt me in front of the judge. If I had played it cool, I would be getting a big fat alimony check each month. Oh well, live and learn. You messed up Dickie when you lost me. I was much better for you then you were for me. You lost respect from your colleagues, and you lost your position with the firm. I would have helped you work your way to the top. My advice to you is if by some chance Joyce comes sniffing back around, I would suggest you find a good obedient dog training school and maybe you could take her to the office Christmas party without her humping the leg of every male she encounters, because I don't think you can afford my services all of the time. It's been a pleasure doing business with you."

I got in my car and looked at his opened mouth and smiled. I knew he screwed up losing me; it was nice to be able to let him know just how much.

* * *

As I laid in bed that night, I realized that I felt better about things then I had in a very long time. I really did feel optimistic that things were looking up. I wasn't completely surprised when my phone rang.

"Yo."

"Yo back, you packing up things to move into your big new house Mrs. Orr?"

"No, I'm not moving to the house. Dickie just hired me for my services for the night," After he was silent for a beat I realized how that could be construed. "Not those kinds of services."

Ranger gave a soft chuckle, "Good to know."

"It was sort of like a distraction job."

"You did well in the role of Mrs. Orr. Was that what you were really like?"

I thought about it for a minute, "I guess maybe a little. Why was it bad?"

"No just different. It was sort of nice to get a glimpse of past Stephanie. "

"Yeah well, maybe I'm like you, I have different personas I play. I liked seeing Business Ranger in action, very impressive."

He was silent and I knew what he was thinking. I really hoped I had caught ESP too.

"It's killing you isn't it? Wondering if you've known me all this time and I was secretly a master pastry chef."

I got the chuckle again, "Well, are you?"

"I'm starting over and I'm going with the opportunist approach and I really don't see what I'm getting by giving you that information. Maybe we could trade information though?"

I was met with silence again. Ranger obviously didn't know how to play. I quickly thought of something about Ranger I really wanted to know, "Is there a Batcave?"

"There could be a Batcave."

Darn it! Still evasive. Well I could be too. "No."

Still silence so I started again. "Is the Batcave in New Jersey?"

"The Batcave could be in New Jersey."

I was feeling defeat. I had nothing to gain by my deceit so I spilled the beans.

"Our next door neighbor was a caterer. When I needed something special to take somewhere she would whip up something. Her blueberry cobbler was out of this world. I missed her the most when I had to move."

"Babe."

"Well, I gave you more, is that all you're going to give me?"

"I can think of something I would like to give you, but I'm afraid by the time I got there flirty, playful Stephanie would be gone."

Now I was silent. How brave was flirty, playful Stephanie tonight?

"It might not be good for Dickie to acquire your services as Mrs. Orr again."

"Oh, why is that?"

"There's a rule about distance and he was breaking it. I don't like when people break my rules. As a professional courtesy to you, I'll overlook it this time."

I started to laugh, but I think he was serious. It must have been some talk he had with Dickie.

"I don't plan on playing the role as Mrs. Orr anymore."

"Good to know Babe, sweet dreams."

I was almost asleep when it hit me. The Batcave was forever, he had said that a couple of times. There could be a Batcave and it could be in New Jersey. Which meant if Ranger just talked like he should that there could be a Batcave someday. He hadn't decided yet. He could put a Batcave in New Jersey if he decided he wanted one. Once he got a Batcave it was forever.

Interesting.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Stephanie Plum or the universe she lives in.**

* * *

My great new outlook was tested the next morning when I took Mooner shopping with me. I should have known I was in for trouble when Mooner kept insisting that he had watched 'this righteous show about Eco friendly decorating and that we could like take my old furniture and like redo it and give it like new life'. I kept telling him that the life was all gone out of my furniture and that it had lived a very long life because I was probably the tenth person to have owned it. Mooner was not happy and his usual mellow attitude was nowhere to be found. Despite Mooner, I was looking forward to buying some new furniture for once. I was even going to call Rangeman and ask to speak to Ella so I could find out where she bought Ranger's heavenly sheets. My mind also wandered to the fact that I was going to have a brand new mattress that had never been slept on or had sex on. For some reason that made me sort of sad, but I knew it was time for a new one. A new start, I kept reminding myself. So I didn't have a man in my life. It was okay to have a virgin bed. Maybe I would buy white sheets and a white down comforter for it.

Jim's Furniture Warehouse is just that, a big warehouse full of furniture. There were no window dressings or floor displays. The furniture was crammed along the walls, and spread out in the middle of the floor. There really wasn't any organization to it whatsoever. A bedroom suit might have a kitchen table and chairs beside of it. This didn't bother me, because I was used to digging around for what I wanted. I showed Mooner the pictures in the flyer before leaving the car and hoped he could help me find my two piece sectional couch and metal frame bed I had my heart set on. I held my breath hoping he would find it satisfactory and not try to talk me out of it. He muttered an "I can work with it" and got out of the car.

I wasn't prepared for Mooner's tirade once we got into the store. The site of the furniture disarray really set him off and he was very vocal about it. He kinda reminded me of that guy from Hell's Kitchen, but this was Hell's Furniture Warehouse. I tried to walk the other direction and pretend I wasn't with him, but it didn't work.

"Like what moron would put a kitchen table with the beds? This is like a decorating monstrosity! Like who can even visualize the design concept when the freakin' rooms run together!"

I tried to calm him down when I saw the store manager approaching, but Mooner was beyond calming down. I wished he was his usual high and mellow self and I was afraid I was going to have to stun him if he didn't settle down. When the manager approached, words were exchanged and the police were soon called. I tried to talk the manager out of it, but by this point Mooner was moving the furniture around as he shouted terms like symmetrical and color way and balance as he began arranging furniture like a man possessed.

I had resolved myself to the fact that I would probably have to make a statement to the police and would probably be asked to never return to Jim's Furniture Warehouse. I would also probably have to keep my old furniture since Jim's Furniture Warehouse was the only place in my price range. Maybe I should just listen to Mooner and try to fix it up and maybe I could pass it off as shabby chic instead of just shabby.

I was reminded not for the first time in my life that things can change very quickly. While I was watching Mooner work his decorating magic, I realized I felt calm. This was odd for me because the phones were probably ringing around town already even though like most incidents this was not my fault. I wondered briefly if Zelda was talked about among her people and how she had felt about it. Again the voice with the thick accent ran through my head, _I did not care_. Well, I would not care either. Let them talk. I mean it's not like I could really stop them anyways so why upset myself? When I brought my attention back to Mooner, I noticed a crowd had formed and was watching him. The manager was whispering with some sales staff. I took it upon myself to comment loudly how nice it looked. A lady in the crowd agreed with me and said she liked it, and wanted to buy the arrangement. I smiled, looked like my gypsy luck was finally kicking in. Maybe we wouldn't have to visit with the TPD after all. I looked up just in time to see Joe pulling into the lot. No doubt he had heard it over the radio and knew from our descriptions it was me and Mooner. The last time we had been together we had a huge, loud blow up and I wasn't happy with how we had left things. I was tired of our fighting and I really wanted some peace between us. I made the first move and walked over to him.

"Do I even want to know?"

I shrugged, "It was a misunderstanding. Mooner has become a decorating savant. The owner didn't know what was happening, but I don't think he will be pressing charges now. People have been coming in off the street to watch him. It's entertaining watching and listening to him talk to himself while he creates a 'like harmonious room'. He's pretty good because I would have never considered putting that chair with that love seat, but it works."

Joe just shook his head.

"Why did they call you, did they think Mooner was going to go homicidal?" I could see where they might have, because he was scaring me there for a minute.

"Oh, I'm not responding, I just heard it over the radio and knew it had to be you."

I rolled my eyes at him. I made a decision right then, I was going to be the bigger person. I wanted to salvage some type of relationship with him and I was going to do something that was very hard for me. I was going to apologize.

"Look, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry if I offended you with my break- up. My heart was in the right place even if my mouth wasn't."

Joe snorted, "I can't help but wonder how you would have reacted if I gave you to Bernie Kuntz."

"Come on! You're comparing Marianne with Bernie? You were already seeing her Joe; I just told you I thought it was a good idea and gave you my blessing!"

"You said and I quote, 'I'm giving you to Marianne because I want you to have a great life full of casseroles and love'."

Well now it just sounded stupid. I bet if I had gotten further into it, the really good stuff that I came up with would have impressed him.

Trying to lighten the mood I said, "Look Joe, I just want to say if I should stay, I'd only be in your way. So I'll go, but I'll know that I'll think of you every step of the way."

"You're seriously not trying to pass off the lyrics to that song as your own are you?"

I shook my head no, "It's how I feel though Joe. It's hard to say it and do it, but I know I'm not the woman for you and I want you to have more and for you to do that I have to let you go."

By this time I looked up to see Carl and Big Dog watching us. Apparently they found us more entertaining than Mooner. Joe looked over at them.

"They're probably waiting to see if they're going to need to arrest us."

"Well, I personally am tired of everyone knowing my business so I don't want a scene."

"Cupcake, your whole life is usually one big scene."

I laughed and shook my head, "You're making it easy for me not to regret our break up too badly. I tell you what; I'll be the bigger person here and you can dump me."

"You're serious."

"Sure, it's not like I haven't had to be the bigger person before. Go ahead, I'll help you. There once was a girl named Plum who caused me to drink lots of Rum….."

Joe looked up at the ceiling and sighed, "You're never going to let that go are you, and if I was going to break up with you with a poem, it wouldn't be that. That's terrible Cupcake."

I smiled, "How about we act like grownups for once and shake on it and wish each other well."

Joe looked at me, "If we do this it's really over for me, you understand. We won't be getting back together in three weeks, so be sure Cupcake."

My throat had a huge lump forming in it, "It's for the best, but please still be my friend."

Joe wrapped his arms around me and kissed my head, "I love you Cupcake. Have a good life." And with that he turned and walked quickly out of the store.

Carl and Big Dog looked away and I wiped the tear off my cheek. It had been my decision and it hurt, but I wasn't going to cry over Joe anymore.

I left the store that day with a lighter feeling then I had had in a long time. I had the closure I hadn't even realized I needed with Dickie and Joe and the promise from Jim that my new furniture would be delivered by six o'clock. Mooner left with his first real part time job. It seemed like things were definitely looking up.

I had three calls when I got home. One from Lula and one from my mom asking me if it was true that Joe Morelli broke up with me because I was moving in with Mooner and we were buying new furniture together. The other call was silence but I knew it was Ranger. I didn't know if he was wondering if Joe and I had broken up for good, or if I was really moving in with Mooner.

* * *

I can remember reading an article in one of my teen magazines when I was a teenager. It was an experiment to build confidence. You were supposed to picture what you wanted to look like before you left your house for the day and to avoid mirrors. The purpose was if you thought you were great you would act accordingly and the world would see you differently. The point was that confidence was what was important, not your beauty. I totally disagreed with the article then, but I had to say it worked for me now. I no longer imagined I looked like Susanna Hoffs from the Bangles, I imagined myself as Zelda. I still looked the same, but I felt special. Lula and Connie had even commented there was something different going on with me. It wasn't my usual "Hey I've had sex glow!" because I was totally single. Maybe I was just finally getting comfortable in my own skin, but whatever the reason, I was starting to make some changes in my life and I felt happy and content.

Now don't get me wrong, my life wasn't perfect. I still had some cuts and bruises and some dirty clothes from bringing in some of my skips, but I also had some successes. One of them being that I was able to subdue and bring in one of my skips while wearing a tight skirt and heels, which I pointed out to all of the officers on duty. Pictures were taken, no bets won and I left the precinct with my head held high and a smirk on my face. I guess fate wanted to make sure my head didn't get too big because my heel broke causing me to stumble in the parking lot. Luckily no one but Eddie saw, so no harm done. I started really taking control of my job. I bartered two business dates with Randy Briggs for an upgrade on my computer and search programs, and I had acquired an informant who worked in a popular bar in town. Everyone knew how critical a good informant is for a successful bounty hunter. For once all my ducks were in a row and I felt satisfied with my job. I even ran every other day.

On one of my runs, a black Tahoe came to a screeching halt beside of me and Ranger jumped out and asked who was chasing me. I flipped him off and kept running. I heard his laugh in my head the rest of the way home and it made me smile. I was glad he could still find me amusing because he had a great laugh and I realized how glad I was it was me that could get him to do it. We started to spend more time together. I asked for some more mentoring and Ranger helped me with some of my skips. Each night as I was drifting off to sleep, Ranger would be in my head. One night I kept dreaming about our first kiss in my parking lot and Ranger saying, "Think about it". I didn't think about it at the time, but now I wondered what did he mean by that? If he only wanted to seduce me all he had to do was come up for a drink one night and by the second kiss I would have been his. What did he want me to think about? And after our first night together, why did he stick around in my life? The debt was paid, why didn't he move on?

I felt like I was missing an important piece to the puzzle in our friendship and for the first time I wondered if I had done things differently back then, where would we be at today. He certainly did more for me then I ever did for him, but yet when he needed someone the most, he came to me. He came to me for help when he was FTA, when Scrogg was trying to take over his life, and when he was in danger of losing his business .Out of all of the people he knew, he came to me for help. It was hard to imagine that I was a source of comfort for him, but that's the conclusion I kept coming to. I once thought Ranger didn't really need anyone, but now I wasn't so sure. Ranger was an enigma to me and I might never fully understand him, but for once I was content to just go with the flow and see what happened.

* * *

As I was getting ready for my job with Ranger and the guys tonight I couldn't help but feel like this was some sort of test. Ranger had surprised me last night calling and asking my help on a redecorating job. I had agreed not even once considering telling him no.

He had surprised me last week by asking me, "Who are you? Where's the woman who always worried about legally gray areas and morally right?"

He of course was asking me this while he was giving me a lesson on hotwiring per my request. I felt different myself, but I never realized Ranger noticed the big difference. I had laughed at his question, but didn't answer. Who was I really? I was still Stephanie Plum, but maybe not quite as scared and vulnerable. When Ranger and I first met, it was like he was on one side and I was on the other. I sometimes took a few steps onto his side, but the first sign of trouble or uncomfortable and I was running back to my safe side. It's hard to believe that a picture and information about an ancestor could change my way of thinking but it had. For the first time since I'd known Ranger I wasn't afraid to be on his side and it was starting to feel really comfortable to me.

I walked down to the parking lot just as they were pulling up. I walked over to the black Explorer and wasn't surprised to find Tank, Lester, and Bobby in the back seat. Definitely déjà vu. As I climbed in the front seat beside of Ranger, I turned and said, "This must be the other decorators."

Tank laughed, Lester winked at me, and Bobby said, "We like to think of it as a community service."

I shook my head in embarrassment. I really didn't want to know what they thought of me after the last job. No wonder I was entertainment, with the things I had said and done that night. Tonight I was going to redeem myself though. I was dressed pretty much the same as last time, but tonight I had my gun and it was loaded. I got the jump on Ranger and asked if he had a vest for me, even though I already knew he did.

We rode in comfortable silence for a while and Ranger reached over and took my hand and held it on his leg. He stroked his thumb back and forth across my hand. It was such a simple gesture holding my hand, but it felt more intimate then if he had kissed me. It felt like we were solidifying us. I laid my head back against the seat and enjoyed the sensations I was feeling. I thought about Zelda and the adventures she probably went on. I wondered if I ever would have let myself enjoy my own warrior woman adventures if I hadn't known it was in my blood. Probably not. It was funny to think how the legend of Zelda inspired me to make changes and really embrace life and not be afraid of the unknown. I also thought about paths in life and which one I truly belonged on and made me happiest and realized right now I was home.

**The End**


End file.
